By: Dick Pickles
Just about every guy who went to college knew a girl like the one I am about to describe: She was a little chubby and never your first choice when you got to the party. You wouldn't speak to her while you both went your separate ways during the evening as you attempted to find someone hotter, someone worth bragging about the next day. Still, when 2 AM rolled around at the bar or party and the lights came on, there she was. Every bit as drunk as you and giving you those eyes that say, "c'mon, lets get out of here. we'll go have some fun". And what is amazing is that every time she came through. Never the greatest, but you knew you wouldn't have any drama and it was always satisfying; never a regret.
There aren't a lot of good fast food specials out there right now. I drove around and first passed a Wendy's, but please, how long can you advertise the Baconator as a special. McDonalds failed to offer anything more enticing. Boston Market's current special is a country fried chicken that looks like a frozen chicken cutlet with white gravy on it. I'll pass. Taco Bell, usually a monster when it comes to promotional items, is only offering a Taco Salad that I would only buy if it was to throw it away in front of some poor Mexicans. Then, as I turned the corner, I saw Burger King and it started giving me those eyes...
I ordered the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger and it was a beast. Upon unwrapping its tight package, grease began to spill everywhere (don't fret; I soaked it up with the bun). The sandwich
was lacking in any vegetable except the mushrooms which gave me the warm fuzzies. I had to take a step back to examine how I would attack a burger with a patty that was almost twice the size of the bun. I decided that the two handed, elbows out technique would need to be utilized or else I would have a mess on my hands. Biting it caused the perfectly melted cheese to ooze out the sides. As a seasoned pro, I quickly adjusted my strategy to one hand so I could pick up a fry and dip it in the cheese. At this point the burger went down fast and I finished off my fries. As always, B.K.'s fries just couldn't hang with the quality of its burger, but I knew this going in so how can I get upset. I washed down my meal with another gulp of soda and headed to the exit feeling satisfied and content. It wasn't a next morning walk of shame, it was the sensation of being delightfully content.
was lacking in any vegetable except the mushrooms which gave me the warm fuzzies. I had to take a step back to examine how I would attack a burger with a patty that was almost twice the size of the bun. I decided that the two handed, elbows out technique would need to be utilized or else I would have a mess on my hands. Biting it caused the perfectly melted cheese to ooze out the sides. As a seasoned pro, I quickly adjusted my strategy to one hand so I could pick up a fry and dip it in the cheese. At this point the burger went down fast and I finished off my fries. As always, B.K.'s fries just couldn't hang with the quality of its burger, but I knew this going in so how can I get upset. I washed down my meal with another gulp of soda and headed to the exit feeling satisfied and content. It wasn't a next morning walk of shame, it was the sensation of being delightfully content.Thanks Burger King...you'll never be my first choice but you'll always be my favorite chubby, drunk friend!!!
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