Friday, September 25, 2009

Week Three NFL Picks

WEEK 3 NFL PICKS
presents:"Ron Burgundy Week"
LOCK OF THE WEEK
NYJ (-2.5) vs. TEN
"Don't act like you're not impressed!"
The Jets really manhandled the Patriots with a blitzing scheme last week that had Brady throwing off his back foot and looking rattled. So far this season the Jets D is let to allow a TD and while I don't think that will continue too long, I do think that they will force Kerry Collins into a few costly turnovers that will spring the team to some quick scores. You've got to play the hot hand some times and that's exactly what the Jets are. Meanwhile, the Titans have lost four in a row and five out of six. Without Haynesworth in the middle taking on double teams, their D looks beatable. The two QBs they've faced have put up monster fantasy numbers, which means that Sanchez may work as a spot starter if you are desperate.
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Sunday 1pm
PIT (-4.5) @ CIN
"And a tip of the cap to you, Miss Corningstone"
This goes to the Bengals for their surprise win at Green Bay, their surprise seven sacks from the defense, and the surprise return to fantasy relevance by Palmer, Benson, and Ochocinco. Still the Steelers own the Bengals historically and I expect the world to go back on its axis as Roethlisberger's throws his way to a road win. I don't see any way that the champs drop below .500

DET (+6.5) vs. WASH
"Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom."
I'm counting both of these teams as ladies and the newsroom is the NFL. They are terrible. Take the points. Next.

GB (-6.5) @ STL
"Where'd you get your clothes... from the... toilet store?"
Substitute clothes with players and maybe we've come across the Rams problem. hmmmm? I would feel comfortable starting anyone on the Packers offense in fantasy. Despite playing at Lambeau, this teams looks like it was build to play on turf. Could be very high scoring.

SF (+7.5) @ MIN
"Sweet Lincoln's Mullet"
Seems about the right way to react when seeing that the 49ers are 2-0. Despite the surprise I really like the way they play led by Gore's rushing and a strong, aggressive defense. Expect this one to stay close and San Fran may even pull off an upset.

NE (-4.5) vs. ATL
"Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand."
It seems like Brady is throwing about a thousand times each week with the sorry excuse for a running game that the Pats feature. Maroney should be benched and all of his carries should be given to Taylor, who knows how to hit a hole with speed (that's what she said) and pick up yards after contact. Still, the Patriots record under Bill Belichek following defeats (especially at home) is phenomenal and impossible to ignore. Expect the Pats to be ready to play and handle their business at home.

KC (+9.5) @ PHI
"Smells like Bigfoot's dick."
A game between a team battling injuries and a team that sucks all the time. I think that the Chiefs will manage to keep this close because I expect some turnovers from the Eagles inexperienced starter, Kolb.

NYG (-7.5) @ TB
"You smelly pirate hooker"
This seems appropriate for the Bucs. I'm still betting against Tampa every week until they prove me wrong. I could do this all season.

BAL (-13.5) vs. CLE
"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
The Ravens reminded everyone last week on the road that they are still a dominant force on the defensive side of the ball when they have to be. The thing that's interesting about this team is how good they have become on offense in such a short period of time. Flacco is a stud. The running game will wear you out and all of their options are a threat receiving from the backfield. The only thing that I think could derail this team this season is peaking too early or injuries.

HOU (-3.5) vs. JAX
"Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd."
I just like this quote. It has nothing to do with the game.

Sunday 4:05pm
CHI (-2.5) @ SEA
"The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show..."
Cutler sure showed off the gun show last week in winning over the home crowd with a come from behind 4th quarter victory at Soldier Field. Expect that momentum to carry over and the Bears defense to confuse a Seahawks team with huge question marks at QB with Hasselbeck's latest rib injury.

NO (-5.5) @ BUF
"Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!"
Dorothy Mantooth also knows how to score! Spreads don't really matter to this team because their offense is built to blow out the opposition. They are reminding me of the record setting 2007 Patriots squad (on the offensive side of the ball).

Sunday 4:15pm
DEN (+1.5) @ OAK
"Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!"
This message goes to the fans of both team as they seem to be getting too excited too early about some easy matchups and wins. Still the Broncos should be able to take advantage of QB Russell and win this game.

MIA (+5.5) @ SD
"Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
The Chargers run defense will be about the size of a whale's vagina with the loss of Williams in the middle. The wildcat offense led by Ronnie Brown should have a field day.

Sunday 8:20pm
IND (+1.5) @ ARZ
"I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady."
I expect that the Colts will go to Arizona and experience little trouble getting the job done. They have the type of quick defensive line that gives the Cardinals O-line trouble. This means they'll be in Warner's face all day long and force quick throws and check downs. On the flip side, the Colts O will face little resistance with passing options Wayne and Clark still playing like dominant forces despite the offseason loss of Marvin Harrison.
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Monday 8:30pm
CAR (+9.5) @ DAL
"It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice."
Wade Phillips is going to be feeling the heat from Jerry Jones if he doesn't get his team together in time to win at home in the new stadium/circus in Dallas. So far I have seen nothing from the Cowboys for them to deserve being 9.5 point favorites, unless they are playing the Bucs, Lions, or Rams. Also, Delhomme put together a nice game versus an improving Falcons defense and the running game will benefit greatly once he makes a few more plays to stop them from putting eight in the box.
2009 RECORD
LOCK OF THE WEEK: 1-1
OVERALL: 18-14
LAST WEEK: 8-8

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Week Two NFL Picks

WEEK TWO NFL PICKS
LOCK OF THE WEEK
PIT (-2.5) @ CHI
The Defending Champs have covered a spread of -2.5 nine times in their last ten games. This includes difficult games including last season's Superbowl run and regular season matchups against powerhouses like New England, Tennessee, Baltimore and Dallas. Meanwhile, the Bears have now played four consecutive games where they have not covered. What I'm saying is that this spread is way to low for a Pittsburgh team with those type of results playing against a Bears team that clearly hasn't gelled together with its new QB and just suffered the devastating loss to its best defensive player. So make your bet and count your money. This one reminds me of Mandy Moore because its sweet like candy! LOCK IT UP!

Sunday 1pm games
MIN (-9.5) @ DET
Expect huge fantasy production from Peterson this week. Also, expect big numbers from Favre. I expect Childress will try to get him more involved against a soft defense to help him gain some momentum and the confidence of his teammates for the rest of the season. As with every Lions game until they prove differently...take the over as well.
GB (-9.5) vs. CIN
The Bengals have a lot of talk from Chad Ochocinco this week about doing a Lambeau Leap when he scores a TD. I don't see that happening unless its a meaningless score late in a blowout. The Packers sputtered out of the gate against a solid Bears defense last week, but once they got it going they looked sharp. I loved the accuracy and decision making from Rodgers as well. When the O was struggling early he didn't try to force plays which let him stay away from turnovers.

TEN (-7.5) vs. HOU
I watched the Texans get manhandled by the Jets last week from start to finish and really was disappointed. For a team that was hyped so heavily coming out of the preseason they were awful. Now, they play a team that is more physical and more talented than the Jets and they have to play them in their own building. The Titans have also had the extra few days to prepare for this matchup since they opened the season on Thursday.

OAK (+3.5) @ KC
The Raiders impressed me last week with their defense. I knew they had talent and it looks as though the missing piece was a leader like Seymour to pull the squad together. I still think that their offense will be bad until they give up on JaMarcus (or move him to another position) but against the Chiefs that won't be too much of a factor.
NE (-5.5) @ NYJ
Keep talking Ryan. Keep talking Rhodes. And while you're talking, try to ignore the fact that the Patriots have won EIGHT straight games at the Meadowlands. After the ninth straight please prepare yourself to kiss our Superbowl rings.

NO (+1.5) @ PHI
I don't really know what to make of this game. Two of the best looking teams based on week one performances. I side with the Saints for two reasons. 1)The McNabb injury. We still don't know if he's going to play and I don't trust Kolb; 2)Some of the Eagles' scores were on fluky plays. They got a TD on a punt return and their defense set up a lot of the other scores. Not that its a bad thing to have a defense set up scores, its just that without Delhomme tossing up 4 quick picks* I'm not convinced they didn't already have their best showing of the season.

ATL (-6.5) vs. CAR
Speaking of Jake, this pick is a vote of no confidence in him. The Panthers look about as bright as the guy to the right when they gave him $20M guaranteed this offseason. Funny story: I just went to google to type in Jake Delhomme to search for images. The two options that google automatically populated were Jake Delhomme Wife and Jake Delhomme Crying. Two things and one is crying. hahahahaha.

WASH (-10.5) vs. STL
Saint Louis this season might make last year's Detroit team look good. They should probably change their mascot from the Rams to this guy.

JAX (-3.5) vs. ARZ
I'm expecting a monster game from Jones-Drew in this one against the sub par Cardinals d-line. Against the Colts, the Jags proved that they are still a physical team that will be competitive each and every game. Also, the Cardinals passing attack was weak last week. With all their injuries at WR, it is too easy for teams to double Fitzgerald and make Warner go to his check downs or force passes and hope Larry makes a play. That leads to too many turnovers to win.
Sunday 4:05pm games
SEA (+1.5) @ SF
This is a very important game for these teams for this early in the season. With both the Rams and Cardinals as underdogs, the team who wins this will have a 2-0 record in the NFC West, giving them a solid leg up on the division. I like the experience of Hasselbeck at QB for a game like this. Also, looking back at recent seasons, the Seahawks have won 3 of the last 4 contests and all three wins were by 20 or more points. That's a very impressive margin.

BUF (-4.5) vs. TB
I stated last week that I hate Tampa this year and that I would bet against them every week until they cover. Meanwhile, despite handing the game over late, the Bills should have a lot of confidence based on how well they played against a tough New England team on the road. Expect the Bills to romp.

Sunday 4:15pm games
DEN (-3.5) vs. CLE
These are two very similar teams so I'm going to side with the home squad. I really couldn't care less about this matchup.
BAL (+4.5) @ SD
Based upon last week's performances it looked like this spread should be the other way around. The Chargers pulled out a win but Tomlinson looked terrible and Rivers wasn't that great either, missing a lot of open receivers and holding the ball too long. On the flip side, I loved what the Ravens did by allowing Flacco to throw the ball 43 times including some shots deep. Last season he was relegated to short and mid range passes only. While doing this, they also found a way to keep three rushers involved. Ray Rice looks like the leader of the group, but McClain got some goal line carries and McGahee suddenly looks like a great threat as a third down option. Look out for this team.

Sunday 8:20pm game
DAL (-2.5) vs. NYG
This pick is a gut call. I was impressed with Romo's ability to get everyone involved now that TO is out of the way. I'm already starting to second guess myself for not taking Roy Williams on any of my fantasy squads. For the Giants, they only played well enough to win and don't have a big play threat on the offense.

Monday 8:30pm game
IND (-3.5) @ MIA
Last week when I said Miami would be bad I didn't think they'd be that awful. Only a very late TD avoided a shutout in their opener as the Falcons completely man-handled them. I don't think that Fish fans will be very happy to hear this, but with their schedule they could easily be 1-7 after eight games. I'd feel safer betting on the team to the right.

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2009 RECORD
LOCK OF THE WEEK: 1-0
OVERALL: 10-6
LAST WEEK: 10-6


*Did anyone else think MegaMillions when they read quick picks. sweetaction!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Week One NFL Picks

WEEK ONE NFL PICKS
LOCK OF THE WEEK
MIN (-3.5) vs. CLE
Let's be honest...you have about as much chance of picking an NFL game in week one of the season correctly by guessing as you would by throwing darts. (unless I do well this week...then forget I said that). Still...we need to look at a few trends from last season and carry them over to this opener. Minnesota was a dominating 6-2 at home on the season while Cleveland struggled at 3-5 on the road and ended the season on a 6 game losing streak, 5 of those by double digits. Looking at roster moves, the Vikings have upgraded at QB to Favre who is notorious for his fast starts. The Browns meanwhile have only announced a few days before the start of the season that pretty-boy Brady Quinn will be the human punching bag behind a porous line that truly is offensive. LOCK IT UP!!!
Thursday 8:30pm
PIT (-5.5) vs. TEN
The defending champs at home with the energy that the loyal home crowd will give them...no doubt the pick here is Pittsburgh. Tennessee's strength of run attack will be negated by Pittsburgh's punishing defense and will cause many of Johnson and White's fantasy owners to be sorely disappointed in Week 1.

Sunday 1pm
MIA (+4.5) @ ATL
In my opinion this is game between the two biggest impostors from last season. Both enjoyed unbelievably favorable schedules and got smoked once in the playoffs. I'd be surprised if either team (especially the Fish) finished the year above .500. Take the points.

DEN (+3.5) @ CIN
Cheering in this game is like rooting for either AIDS or cancer. I choose AIDS, because they are getting the points.

JAX (+6.5) @ IND
Historically Jacksonville has done very well against Peyton and the Colts whether it be at home or in Indy. While I don't predict a strong season for the Jags, I do expect them to keep this a one score game. Don't forget that last season the Colts were a heavy favorite on opening night to the Bears (who were predicted to be awful) and they lost the game outright. With some change in Indy (i.e. - Harrison is gone for the first time in a decade) I expect this offense to take a little time to really get it going.

NO (-11.5) vs. DET
First, take a long look at the the over in this game as I predict a ton of points. The Lions have shown no reason to believe that they will win or be competitive in this game. I would rather cheer for the guy to the right than the Lions. However, be aware that while the Lions suck, they are extremely relevant in fantasy leagues for two reasons: 1)They have two beasts in Calvin Johnson and Kevin Smith; 2) You should be comfortable starting whatever Defense they are playing against since rookie QB Stafford will throw more than his share of interceptions this season.

DAL (-3.5) @ TB
Mark my words...Tampa Bay will be terrible this season. I will pick against them every week until they prove me differently (and hopefully that doesn't happen in week one).

PHI (+0.5) @ CAR
The Eagles are my pick to emerge from the NFC as conference champions. They have a great blend of talent on both sides of the ball and in the last few years have started to add playmakers in Jackson and the rookie Machlin that were missing from all there runs in the early 2000's (with the exception of the TO experiment). At the same time I expect a small regression from Carolina after an overachieving 12-4 record last season.

KC (+8.5) @ BAL
I have nothing to back this up. I just think the Baltimore D is going to show its age one of these season and since they aren't the type of team to blow you out, 8.5 points seems high for week one.

HOU (-4.5) vs. NYJ
Fuck the fatty Rex Ryan and the Jets. Here he is showing you how big the pile of cocks he had to suck to finally get a head coaching job was.

Sunday 4:15pm
WASH (+6.5) @ NYG
Opening weekend division rivals should never be more than 3.5 point spreads away. Therefore, I'll take the points and count my cash. Also worth noting is that these two teams have gone under in each of the last four matchups with each other. Bet accordingly.
SF (+6.5) @ ARZ
Arizona is not as good as you think. They struggled to a 9-7 record in the worst division in the history of pro football last season before their playoff run. Meanwhile, the 49ers made strides in finishing 7-9 behind the strong play of Shaun Hill and the always dangerous Frank Gore. I've said it before and I'll say it again during week one...take the points!

SEA (-7.5) vs. STL
Don't take the points here. Seattle is back to being the same team that has dominated this division for the better part of the decade with Matt Hasselback being healthy again. The Rams made the right offseason moves in trying to improve a woeful O-Line, but realizing the rewards will take some time.
Sunday 8:20pm
GB (-3.5) vs. CHI
The Packers won both matchups last season with the Bears ATS and an improved defense will only help. I am not as impressed with Jay Cutler as many other people are and think that with him being taken out of a gunslinger Mike Shannahan offense that he will revert to being an average QB. Take the Pack at home.
Monday 7pm
NE (-10.5) vs. BUF
The Patriots flat out dominate the Bills. Add this to the fact that Brady will be making his long awaited return to regular season action, Belichik's love of running up the score, and the Bills general chaos - we've got the makings for a blowout. I just got too excited writing about my Pats...I need to change my Depends.
Monday 10:15pm
SD (-6.5) @ OAK
As long as Al Davis is at the wheel it sure is hard to put any faith into the Raiders isn't it? Still....what a smile! How do you remain so non-creepy Mr. Davis?

Happy Betting in Week One to everyone! Let's get off to a profitable season!!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Season Long NFL Picks Challenge

Interested in making picks of your own to test your ability against the sweetactionpicks.com Pick Master? You're in luck! Join our group and get in on the fun! We are hosting a readers contest where each week YOU pick every game on the schedule. At the end of the season, whoever makes the most correct picks wins! It's that easy! For winning you will receive both bragging right and a to-be-determined prize!!!* See how happy this respectable young woman was when she won last year?

To Enter just check out our eligibility requirements and follow this link: http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/en/frontpage** to enter the following information:
Group: SweetActionPicks
Password: Ted'sTinyPenis

You won't be sorry!

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  • You must be a resident of the United States.
  • You must be registered as a blog follower of sweetactionpicks.com (this can be done easily and free by clicking the "follow this blog" icon to the right and creating a username).
  • You can still play even if your mom owns 10+ dildos.
  • Your team name must be funny/offensive.

Thank You all for your interest.

-Dick Pickles

*If we have enough participation we will also create a runner-up prize.
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