presents:"Ron Burgundy Week"
LOCK OF THE WEEK
NYJ (-2.5) vs. TEN
"Don't act like you're not impressed!"
The Jets really manhandled the Patriots with a blitzing scheme last week that had Brady throwing off his back foot and looking rattled. So far this season the Jets D is let to allow a TD and while I don't think that will continue too long, I do think that they will force Kerry Collins into a few costly turnovers that will spring the team to some quick scores. You've got to play the hot hand some times and that's exactly what the Jets are. Meanwhile, the Titans have lost four in a row and five out of six. Without Haynesworth in the middle taking on double teams, their D looks beatable. The two QBs they've faced have put up monster fantasy numbers, which means that Sanchez may work as a spot starter if you are desperate.
"Don't act like you're not impressed!"
The Jets really manhandled the Patriots with a blitzing scheme last week that had Brady throwing off his back foot and looking rattled. So far this season the Jets D is let to allow a TD and while I don't think that will continue too long, I do think that they will force Kerry Collins into a few costly turnovers that will spring the team to some quick scores. You've got to play the hot hand some times and that's exactly what the Jets are. Meanwhile, the Titans have lost four in a row and five out of six. Without Haynesworth in the middle taking on double teams, their D looks beatable. The two QBs they've faced have put up monster fantasy numbers, which means that Sanchez may work as a spot starter if you are desperate.
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Sunday 1pm
PIT (-4.5) @ CIN
"And a tip of the cap to you, Miss Corningstone"
This goes to the Bengals for their surprise win at Green Bay, their surprise seven sacks from the defense, and the surprise return to fantasy relevance by Palmer, Benson, and Ochocinco. Still the Steelers own the Bengals historically and I expect the world to go back on its axis as Roethlisberger's throws his way to a road win. I don't see any way that the champs drop below .500
DET (+6.5) vs. WASH
"Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom."
I'm counting both of these teams as ladies and the newsroom is the NFL. They are terrible. Take the points. Next.
GB (-6.5) @ STL
"Where'd you get your clothes... from the... toilet store?"
Substitute clothes with players and maybe we've come across the Rams problem. hmmmm? I would feel comfortable starting anyone on the Packers offense in fantasy. Despite playing at Lambeau, this teams looks like it was build to play on turf. Could be very high scoring.
SF (+7.5) @ MIN
"Sweet Lincoln's Mullet"
Seems about the right way to react when seeing that the 49ers are 2-0. Despite the surprise I really like the way they play led by Gore's rushing and a strong, aggressive defense. Expect this one to stay close and San Fran may even pull off an upset.
NE (-4.5) vs. ATL
"Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand."
It seems like Brady is throwing about a thousand times each week with the sorry excuse for a running game that the Pats feature. Maroney should be benched and all of his carries should be given to Taylor, who knows how to hit a hole with speed (that's what she said) and pick up yards after contact. Still, the Patriots record under Bill Belichek following defeats (especially at home) is phenomenal and impossible to ignore. Expect the Pats to be ready to play and handle their business at home.
KC (+9.5) @ PHI
"Smells like Bigfoot's dick."
A game between a team battling injuries and a team that sucks all the time. I think that the Chiefs will manage to keep this close because I expect some turnovers from the Eagles inexperienced starter, Kolb.
NYG (-7.5) @ TB
"You smelly pirate hooker"
This seems appropriate for the Bucs. I'm still betting against Tampa every week until they prove me wrong. I could do this all season.
BAL (-13.5) vs. CLE
"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
The Ravens reminded everyone last week on the road that they are still a dominant force on the defensive side of the ball when they have to be. The thing that's interesting about this team is how good they have become on offense in such a short period of time. Flacco is a stud. The running game will wear you out and all of their options are a threat receiving from the backfield. The only thing that I think could derail this team this season is peaking too early or injuries.
HOU (-3.5) vs. JAX
"Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd."
I just like this quote. It has nothing to do with the game.
Sunday 4:05pm
CHI (-2.5) @ SEA
"The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show..."
Cutler sure showed off the gun show last week in winning over the home crowd with a come from behind 4th quarter victory at Soldier Field. Expect that momentum to carry over and the Bears defense to confuse a Seahawks team with huge question marks at QB with Hasselbeck's latest rib injury.
NO (-5.5) @ BUF
"Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!"
Dorothy Mantooth also knows how to score! Spreads don't really matter to this team because their offense is built to blow out the opposition. They are reminding me of the record setting 2007 Patriots squad (on the offensive side of the ball).
Sunday 4:15pm
DEN (+1.5) @ OAK
"Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!"
This message goes to the fans of both team as they seem to be getting too excited too early about some easy matchups and wins. Still the Broncos should be able to take advantage of QB Russell and win this game.
MIA (+5.5) @ SD
"Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
The Chargers run defense will be about the size of a whale's vagina with the loss of Williams in the middle. The wildcat offense led by Ronnie Brown should have a field day.
Sunday 8:20pm
IND (+1.5) @ ARZ
"I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady."
I expect that the Colts will go to Arizona and experience little trouble getting the job done. They have the type of quick defensive line that gives the Cardinals O-line trouble. This means they'll be in Warner's face all day long and force quick throws and check downs. On the flip side, the Colts O will face little resistance with passing options Wayne and Clark still playing like dominant forces despite the offseason loss of Marvin Harrison.
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Monday 8:30pm
CAR (+9.5) @ DAL
Wade Phillips is going to be feeling the heat from Jerry Jones if he doesn't get his team together in time to win at home in the new stadium/circus in Dallas. So far I have seen nothing from the Cowboys for them to deserve being 9.5 point favorites, unless they are playing the Bucs, Lions, or Rams. Also, Delhomme put together a nice game versus an improving Falcons defense and the running game will benefit greatly once he makes a few more plays to stop them from putting eight in the box.
2009 RECORD
LOCK OF THE WEEK: 1-1
OVERALL: 18-14
LAST WEEK: 8-8
LOCK OF THE WEEK: 1-1
OVERALL: 18-14
LAST WEEK: 8-8